A very happy Sallah to our Muslim brethren and to you my esteemed readers! How was yesterday? I do hope we did not overdo it. To my fellow ladies, do not forget that we need to remain in shape so let’s ensure that we don’t overdo anything, drinks, food and so on.

As women, we need to decide which side of the fence we want to be on. The old  story of Tiger Woods , the golf player, really got me thinking of how chains of women were bold enough to come out and say ”Oh, he made love to me on the floor, in the bathroom, in his garage, in the hotel room, in the lift lobby.  Give me a break! Truth is that such can only happen in that part of the world. How many of us here as married men’s mistresses (kept women) can be bold enough to come out and say a Tiger Wood had sex with me on the floor!

The Tiger-Woods of Nigeria can sleep with us anywhere and everywhere, yet not even the walls dare to talk about it.

Today’s piece is about which of the ladies shoes would you rather be . Do you prefer to be the wife or the mistress? The one he loves to have sex with, anytime and anywhere? In other words, his sex slave? Or do you desire to be his companion, the mother of his children, his confidant, the person he is seen with on every occasion? At the risk of sounding judgemental, I still think it is better to be his woman rather than to be his kept woman.

Most men are scared stiff of commitment, some will rather court you till they are fed up. As women, there are ways to making men change their minds about their original intentions towards us. I am aware that when a man sights an attractive lady, sex quickly comes to mind. How will she be in bed? It is now up to us, if we are content with just having them sleep with us or show that there is more to us that just sex. Women are blessed with the gifts and know-how of getting men to take them to ‘next level’ if you like.

I recall years back when my late mum’s first cousin came to pay her a courtesy visit with a lady on his arms. When he left the lady at our sitting room and joined my mum in the kitchen, my mum could not wait to ask him if the lady was ‘our’ wife to be?  He laughed and said: ”Aunty, so if I bring this type as a wife to be, would you believe me? She’s not my type. She’s just my part-time lover”. Dearest readers, today they are married with kids to match! Do you call it fate, may be or may be not, or you think it was destiny, you may also be right. But practically speaking, the lady knew in her heart he was going to be her husband and it happened.

Read my lips; a man will treat you the way you allow him to. Research has shown this in 95 out of 100 cases.

When he treats you like his ”spare” girlfriend, it is because you have allowed it.

I recall an aunt of mine who is now in Canada once dated a guy that would make love to her countless times but refused to be seen with her in public. Till date, his reasons are not known. Luckily, my aunt is happily married to a journalist who simply adores her.

She allowed her ex to maltreat her for so long. She became his beck and call girl until fate brought her in contact with a man that practically worships the ground that she walks on.

You will agree that at the wooing stage, the man starts out being very enthusiastic about you. So, when he stops or drops the degree of enthusiasm, what do you think happened?

Chances are that you were ahead of him in the emotions, department, and you showed him more than you should. Fine, you love him, but please don’t choke him to ask him how serious he is with you. Girl, actions and more actions speak volumes. Men do generally love to do the chasing, it actually thrills them. Please do allow him lead the trek of the heart.  Do not continue to allow him treat you like a ”spare” girlfriend, someone he sees when he is in the mood, biding his time until another woman rekindles that enthusiasm he had with you in the early part of the relationship.

Do not allow yourself to be the girl he calls up at last minutes; it means you are nothing but an afterthought. Sometimes you need to show him with your actions what you will and won’t put up with. And show him without adding anger that you are not his beck and call girl.

Romantic love has different dynamics than ‘’unconditional love.”

When in a romantic relationship with a guy, don’t scold him for not being around, get a life for yourself. Show him that you don’t wait by the phone, do not be too clingy, trust me, it scares men away when you are doing the chase, so avoid it when necessary.

Don’t scold him for not being around. Ensure you are busy having your own full life.

Do give him room to pursue you, but avoid the expectations’ talk. If he stops pursing you, then don’t ask him if he’s no longer interested. You assume that he is not. And you keep your life going the whole time. You haven’t heard the last of him if you act that way, he will come back for you.

Do not commit to a man in the hope that he will then be inspired to commit to you. That will make him think that other guys have rejected you for some reason and that he is your last hope. Most men enjoy doing the chase. Please, don’t take that away from them. They need the process. A man wants a woman who is anything but desperate or ‘glued’ on him before he has earned it.

If you already find yourself in this category, not to worry, it can still be remedied. If you realise he is not the man for you, then may be he is not man enough for you.

It is important for us to device means of winning and keeping our men.

A wise woman once said that “all women are prostitutes, the only difference is that the married ones have only one customer.

Stay safe

Shallom.

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