Rois Ola

The word depression, when many people hear it, brings up a feeling of dread, fear or an outright God forbid in our thoughts. Unfortunately, many people are currently battling with an experience. It darkens your thoughts. It makes you turn into something else, it makes it unbearable for some of our loved ones to even be around us. It is a difficult illness that some refuse to accept. It saps everything good and is energy draining. Depression spoils your ability to connect emotionally with people. It distorts your view about life and people making you act crazy. It represents everything in a negative way. It makes you even hate your partner. If you are not careful, it inhibits you from having a healthy relationship. Anyone going through this, needs help as quickly as possible as reality becomes warped in darkness.

Obviously, the first step to healing is being  able to identify that this is what you are going through and be ready to take measures to have a healthy relationship. There are many ways depression destroys relationships. Here are a few and NOT ALL below:

When you experience self-doubt

Depression colours your mind. When people are thinking towards the right, you may be reasoning towards the left. It creates self-doubt and makes you view your partner as the reason for your problems. In addition, it creates a very unhealthy dose of self-esteem. Low self-worth destroys relationships and does not allow effective communication or resolution of issues. The best way to feel secure in your relationship is to feel secure in yourself.  Self-doubt makes you feel as if you have no value or worth and doesn’t allow you accept your flaws. It does not allow you accept failure forgetting that failure in life is normal. Low self-esteem and self-worth will not allow you enjoy the ups and downs of life.

When you criticize too much

If you are in a relationship and depressed without handling it on time, it will make the positive parts of your relationship look small and the negative parts look big. As little as leaving toothpaste tube open can make you interpret it as your partner hates you or does not care about you enough. It makes your partner feel bad and condemned. Always look at the positives, no matter how small. Try to take a paper and pen, list out the positive sides and think on them clearly to help you feel better. Try intentionally to gradually keep adding positives to the list and be grateful for them as the number rises. If you are depressed and you build a tendency to appreciate them for the little more, they in turn will make effort to do better if they truly love you and this will create a stronger bond and help you overcome the bad days.

When your expectation is too high

If you have expectations that are too high and unrealistic, or expectations that you have never voiced out. It may be difficult for your partner to meet up with them. They may not have any idea on what you want and how you want it, and yet you want them to JUST KNOW without saying a word. Sometimes you may start out with them thinking things will turn out differently and yet they don’t.

Depression isn’t just occasional sadness. It’s a collection of symptoms, including irritability, fatigue, difficulty in concentrating, changes in appetite or sleep patterns, feelings of worthlessness or helplessness, a loss of enjoyment in your usual activities, and sometimes suicidal thoughts.  You have to work on getting better and assuring your partner that you’re on that path that can go a long way in helping them understand you better and help them better.

Sex drive goes down

Relationships are not about sex all the time, but when depression sets in, then you need to create an activity where there is emphasis on INTIMACY and not just sex. It takes time, but practice makes perfect.

You quarrel more

Depression is not about shouting suicide all the time or breaking in tears all day. Being highly and unreasonably irritable is part of it.

You are isolating yourself more and more

Depression makes you want to withdraw into your own island of despair. You might be ashamed you cannot pull yourself out of the funk. Alternatively, if you do not have the energy to connect with your partner, you might drop out until you feel better.

“There’s an emotional check-out with depression,” Paz says. “You’re not present in anything but your darkness.” It is best to look for an activity that brings you joy, find something to love, maybe a new pet or a new hobbies.


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